im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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