So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
