My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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