Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
