Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
