Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
