Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
