two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
