I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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