So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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