Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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