i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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