He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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