mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
