i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
