Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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