I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
