I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
where am i from again
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
