Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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