Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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