Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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