put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
