WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
