Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
