we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
