I'm jealous of your bromance
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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