I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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