Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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