I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
