HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
