So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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