I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
