Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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