he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
