I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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