Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
