im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
