Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want nice things and good sex
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
