You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
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