actually, I'm a sock model
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
