Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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