i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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