Im at strip club and am horny
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
