you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
