I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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