I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
