well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
