If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
