i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
