every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
