great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
